There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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