I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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