Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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