Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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