I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize