What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
