My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Randomize
