i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
