I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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