you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
