just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
