You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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