Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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