alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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