She said her name was "party"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
