why didn't you poke me back
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
