shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize