What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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