...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
