we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
