at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
