man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
