He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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