I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
