i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
