I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
