shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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