Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you win again, gameday.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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