I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
