In the future we'll all be gay
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
