i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
