K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize