Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
