she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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