Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
My room smells like vodka and shame
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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