I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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