Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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