dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
