the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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