Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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