Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
