Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize