Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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