To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
