seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
