She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
