I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
