I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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