We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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