a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
