Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize