Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Are we still banned from the library?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
