Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
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