"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I intend to get homeless drunk
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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