You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize