All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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