someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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