Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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