My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
