He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
false alarm, still single
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
