get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
