Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize