in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You dont lie about slip and slides
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize