im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
