On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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