I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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