I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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