yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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