dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
