Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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