Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
