thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
That accounts for only three of the penises
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
