Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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