Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
